high school yearbook

I LOVE the yearbook.

I love the fact it holds basically a head shot of ALL (well most of) the students in the school, that year.  I love the fact it holds pictures of teams I’m not a member of or parties I didn’t attend…but I have pictures to look back on…as reference…of what I missed?  I love the fact that we (my handful of girlfriends & I) can talk about classmates and pick up the yearbook to match the face to the name.

I actually was a member of the yearbook club for quite a few years.  I went around the school, interacting with people I wouldn’t normally talk with, of course “on behalf of yearbook”.  I hid behind my Nikon lenses and took images of the cool or interesting people…of course “on behalf of yearbook”.

It’s hilarious that I’ve spent sooo much time working “on behalf of yearbook” but I wasn’t mentioned as a member of the yearbook club.  I got some photo credits tho.

It’s alright.  At least taking photos during those school years eased the loneliness and the insecurity of not belonging to any group or even to that school.

Now I have half of dozen or more yearbooks to remind me of that pathetically sad time.  In some ways I don’t want to get rid of these books. I wonder what other people actually do with their yearbooks…

I WANT TO SSCCCCCCRRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!! I WANT TO SCREAM!!!

If I hear one more, “O well, he’s very westernized so that’s why he…”, I will SCREAM!!!

If I hear one more, “O, so-and-so would know…”, I will SCREAM!!!

If I hear one more, “O, I will leave it up to so-and-so to decide…”, I will SCREAM!!!

How one thinks (westernized or not) isn’t an excuse! If he is considerate, he will think about his parent and siblings becuz he sure showed signs that he is considerate of his wife and her family!!

If so-and-so would know, than why the hell are you talking to me??!!! Talk to so-and-so!!! For God’s sake, it’s just a place to buy Japanese dishes!! The place I mentioned about is owned by Japanese ppl and shopped by Japanese ppl!! Why are you brushing me off with “O my friend would know cuz she’s Japanese!!!” WTF!!!!
Your big sister may and can decide for YOU but that doesn’t mean she can represent ME!! It’s a friggin dinner!! What’s the big deal on where to go and when to have it??!!! She’s not paying for it and besides she’s always complaining about how busy she is with work cuz she’s just soooo IMPORTANT!!!

These people make me sick! They talk about family and they talk about harmony. What kind of a family only revolves around the parents and siblings while leaving the in-laws out without a voice. Where is the harmony if things only go the way of a certain few? Am I dead? Do I not have a say in where I have dinner, who I eat with, and when??

I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!

Father?

I’ve decided to find my father.  I don’t know if this will help me move on or not but I want to try.  I’m not hoping for a instant bond or automatic invitation to join his family’s Christmas or Thanksgiving dinners but what do I have to lose…a father?

With this day and age, I believe I can locate him via the internet…it doesn’t hurt that his name was mentioned a few times online (infamous scandal & a prestigious appointment from his company).

What will he think of me?  Will he only think I have only monetary motives? ; ) Really? After all these years?

Will he even want to meet the next generation?

We will see…

mr. nissin bff!!

I was having my Nissin sesame oil flavored instant noodle and suddenly remembered you.

You taught me to add wieners and eggs to my instant noodle. Do you remember?

When I was on my own, I made all my instant noodle meals this way.

The times with you were a lot of fun…and…a lot of heartache but well worth it. I needed the limelight you’ve shown on me. Before I met you, no one else put me on a pedestal…even tho, it hurt when I fell from there.

We were supposed to be best friends forever becuz we never crossed that line. That line was going to make or break our friendship so we must not cross over. You & me were supposed to be here for one another forever and ever…but where are you now?

Maybe we should have just crossed that damn line so there is no “What if?” and our paths will have an official ending to it.

I miss my buddy, my best friend. Thank you for being there for me during my rough time..altho you really had no idea how terrible my life was really like.

I set you free and you never came back…I guess it was not meant to be.

unleaded gasoline @ $ 1.419 / gallon…back in 2001

This receipt definitely belongs in a museum or a history book!!

my poor shoe box

Due to my upcoming move, I’m going thru ALL my paperwork to see if I can move with on…without the past.

I came across this shoe box full of financial paperwork (receipts, statements, paystubs, etc.) from 1994 to 1998 or so. I kept all my paperwork together becuz it’s important to go thru your credit card statements to ensure that you don’t get an erroneous charge…altho the credit card company will only accept any claims within an X number of days – usually 30 days from statement date…not 10 years.

Hey at least all my statements were together!

As I was passing them thru the paper shredder (I’m super paranoid about throwing out paper with any personal info on it), I noticed that the Doubleday Book Club charged me for a book which they later wrote and explained that it’s no longer available! O well, $ 10 over a period of 10 years works out to be $ 1 / year I’ve lost. Hopefully I didn’t lose much over the last 10 years for not keeping in tact with my financial records.

It may sound strange but going thru my financial paperwork brought back emotions. I remember the times when I was soo poor that I was thankful to be able to charge for gasoline to fill up my hand-me-down vehicle from a cousin (longer story) cuz I just didn’t have that $20 to pay at the time. (Yes, a full tank of gas used to be about $ 20 for my old beater back then!!)

I remember I was hungry at college but didn’t have money to buy lunch…tho I’m not sure why I didn’t bring a pack lunch from home cuz I was living at home for my very first month of college.

I remember digging up a handful of change for the bus and getting a dirty look (& a few comments) from the bus drivers who knew that that handful of pennies and nickels didn’t add up to the actual bus fare. I can still feel the shame.

It was hard times…perhaps this is why I am somewhat petty now.

This box carried the burden of my poorness and my embarrassment for 10 years. Now it’s all empty, all the receipts and statements are shredded and disposed.

I should lay this box to rest.

craigslist

I admit.

I’m addicted to craigslist.

Sad isn’t it?

I’m so addicted I wish I get RSS sent to my mobile just to be updated on various craigslist categories.

Top favorite catergory, of course, is the FREE section. It’s awesome to Recycle, Reuse, & Reduce this way! I was able to give away our old toilet and bathroom cabinet to some guy who’ll be using it; hence keeping it out of landfill!! One man’s junk is another’s treasure!!! Yes indeed!

Some of the stuff is gross like some guy trying to get rid of his couch…with some “cat stain”?!!! That’s just dirty! It was funny reading a couple of postings attacking this loser!

It was funny when some guy left his freebie stuff out and the taker sawed off his lamp post too. Well it was the after math of posts that was really funny not the actually event. Finally the taker returned the lamp post and all was well. Seriously, when you’re leaving stuff out for someone to come and pick up from your home (even from the driveway), you should at least have a phone number or sth! If people can’t leave you their number in exchange for sth free to be picked up from your home/property, then warning signals should light up!

The Buy & Sell section is fun too. I’ve sold a couple of items…not bad, much better than to host a garage sale cuz listing & selling online is basically a one-man show while a garage sale, you’ll need everyone you know to pitch in or to bring their stuff to make a super huge garage sale.

Another funny section is the personal ads. Hilarious! People really would post their pic online to meet someone???!!! I don’t get it. I don’t think the hot girls/guys would really need to post online to meet someone…so this only leaves the………………….

My girlfriend met her B/F via ICQ (oops did I just reveal my age??) tho she says he was a friend of a friend’s… They did have a good 5 – 6 years run before breaking up cuz he wasn’t “a good husband” material. He was faithful and all but didn’t have the drive to work hard or climb any ladder.

Another also met her B/F via ICQ (yes I’m old & used to have an ICQ acct). She later married him even when she knows he’s physically abusive. It took her a couple of years and him throwing her out on her ass to come to her senses and move on.

Anyway, back to craigslist. It’s BIG! I’m just going nuts clicking all the categories…even going to Japan’s craigslist sites too!

NOTE to SELF: Must find a new hobby! Hmmm…maybe this wordpress blog? Let’s see how it goes…

Why a blog?

Where should I begin? I have issues I need to get out of my system. I have things I want to say but to no one in particular or to someone who I can not confront. Perhaps the idea of talking into space appeals to me…

Deciding on a name for my blog was hard cuz I’m not the creative type. I can’t come up with fancy names…tho I would love to use a pun in my title…

This blog will be about the past, present, and future as I can not hide from the past anymore and I need to live in the present in order to have a happy future.